Well, here it is, the bible of zombie literature has been put to the screen… And how God damn disappointing, but before we get into that, let’s rewind to 2003. Max Brooks (son of Mel Brooks) releases The Zombie Survival Guide, a humorous, morbid and ultimately quite chilling read. Its detail and sheer belief in its subject matter really made it one of the best reads of the year. Fast forward to 2006, Brooks releases his follow up, World War Z. Without a doubt the best piece of Zombie fiction to come out in, dare I say, decades. It’s smart, it’s scary, it’s compelling and its everything a zombie apocalypse should have been, but was never quite reached to that level before. The book was genius and remains my personal favorite novel of all time. Then in 2007 the books rights were bought by Brad Pitts film company Plan B. Even at this point I was filled with hope, finally a truly epic zombie movie, oh and Brad Pitts starring, I mean you can’t really go wrong with the guy; every movie he is in is pretty good (except for that one where he ages backwards and his face looks like a shriveled scrotum for the majority of the film).
More rumors and news began filtering in about the upcoming film. Marc Foster to direct, which I was pretty happy about and then various cast added as time went by. Then after many delays and a third act re-write by none other than Damon “I’d rather write the film into knots rather than come to an even semi clear conclusion” Lindelof, who has recently written for Lost and we all know how that turned out ,wait! Do we? And the Ridley Scott blockbuster Prometheus, which also suffered from plot holes bigger than that vagin-tapus at the end of the movie. However, I was a fan, so I stuck through the trash talk coming from the faithless. Then I see it with my own eyes.
The teaser for Teaser trailer (Teaseption?) was released, and when I say that everything was wrong with it, I mean it, everything. Take a look for yourself.
I mean, come on. I don’t know if it’s the tsunami zombies, the CGI that nearly melted my face off or the fact they are running all over the place that pissed me off more. Now first things first, I like running zombies, 28 days later (whatever they’re essentially zombies) and the Dawn of the Dead remake really pumped some life into the genre. But for fucks sake when you are basing your story on a book where many of the main plot points revolves around the slow shambling of the undead, you’ve really got to change the name of the movie before you totally bastardize it. Talking about totally fucking up your source material, let’s take a look at I Am Legend. Which while it wasn’t a terrible movie, it was not Richard Matheson’s I Am Legend in any way. I mention the Will Smith vehicle because WWZ looks like its turning out the same way, Shitty CGI substitutes for zombies, taking genius source material and mutating it into a lesser shitty version of its former self and throwing a world class actor at it and hoping to god they can smash the shit out of the box office.
Then there’s that annoying as hell narration, I Know that’s nothing to do with the trailer or the film makers, but sweet Mexican Jesus could you really be more off. “Only one man can save the world”, okay so you just missed the entire point of the book, probably even the point of the film, I hope. Let’s go back to the tsunami zombie waves. What in God’s name is that shit. They aren’t ants or Twilight fans queuing for Breaking Dawn part 2. They’re zombies, humans that have a nasty disease. Seriously watch it again, if I saw the zombie tidal wave once I could deal with it, hey I might even say it’s pretty cool, but it happens like three times, in 30 seconds.
I was kind of hoping for a movie similar to the 2011 film Contagion. You know, nice ensemble piece with multiple nationalities and a global theater for the destruction to take place. Looks like I’ll have to settle with I Am Legend 2: Zombie tidal wave terror starring Brad Pitt as “no one from the book”. Yes I am going to see this movie, no, this film will not tarnish the book for me. The coming months will reveal more trailers, more footage and more information in general, but my hopes are dashed for a loyal telling of World War Z… Oh and the movie execs are claiming its part of a trilogy.