No, this isn’t a review about an Eddie Murphy movie; my thoughts on him will come later. In my last article I shared some of my expectations I have about Americans and their country. So now I feel I should fill this seven and a half hour flight from Amsterdam to Boston with what thoughts I have on my flight, considering I am bored out of my skull, taking the piss out of most, if not every aspect of my trip, from the “delicious” meal that was thrown at me all the way to Eddie Murphy, Bare with me as all will become clear, which is more for what I can say for my glorious “view” of the plane’s wing.
I wake up on time, I get the right train, and I have some food and listen to a little music before boarding my flight to Amsterdam from Birmingham. We are in Amsterdam for no time at all until we are whisked away across the Atlantic Ocean (I had to ask my brother whether it was the Pacific or the Atlantic). So today had gone off without incident. Until it dawns on me I have seven hours to stare at the back of a chair and prey I nod off for an hour or two, pray in vain.
The first annoyance comes in the form of a washed up comedian, Eddie Murphy stars in A Thousand Words. My brother decides to plug in his ear phones and try and follow it. Me being a cynical bastard, have already written the film of, as it stars Eddies Murphy, and it’s been a long time since he made a funny movie where he wasn’t a donkey (even those movies are becoming boring and tedious). I can tell by watching the silent screen that the plot revolves around Eddie Murphy generally overacting and being pretty unfunny, something to do with a tree and leaves, and I almost nodded off writing that sentence, but alas no sleep comes.
Dinner comes, and unsurprisingly 90% of the meal tastes like shit, bread and butter is its saving grace, which says allot about the chicken and what I can only assume is Mashed potatoes. My brother eventually gives up on the Eddie Murphy movie, giving his professional opinion on it as “This is pure bolox”. We waste around three minutes on a movie quiz on my IPod, around six minutes “reading” a nuts magazine and around 2 minutes staring at myself in the toilet mirror and I am back to where I began, praying I can get to sleep.
The shit film ends and we hope the next film is the Avengers; we spotted it as the entertainment for some flights in the planes magazine (which took up about 46 seconds of reading). A bit of turbulence offers around 9 seconds of excitement until I draw for my book. After watching and loving the movie Drive, I decided to buy the book, not a great idea as the last time I read it was about two months back and I have no idea what the plot of is anymore, took me around five minutes to realise this, back to staring at the plane’s wing, imagining the beautiful clouds and ocean just beyond it.
Another film begins to start, please be The Avengers. To my disgust and horror Eddie Murphy pops up, why is A Thousand Words on again? Someone made a huge, huge mistake. That or the plane crashed on takeoff, I died and now I am in some version of hell making up for a life time of sin. Twenty minutes in and someone realises the mistake and puts on This Means War starring Tom Hardy and Chris Pine. I choose not to watch it, my expectation for The Avengers and having to watch Eddie Murphy for far too long has temporarily killed my need to watch films, let hope it’s not permanent.
I decide to take the high ride, by listening to some music while writing this, but unfortunately both are becoming tiresome, so I may attempt to just watch Reese Witherspoon engage in pithy dialogue for the next hour. If Eddie Murphy comes on again however, I warn you from beyond the grave, lead a good and sin free life, because hell, is fucking awful.