In two days I leave to go to America for a month, I am both utterly excited and yet totally terrified of arriving in the “land of the free”. So in honour of me jetting off to the place I have literally always wanted to end up in, I think I am going to note down a few things I expect to see, hear and come across over in the states. Now I am writing this not out of a hatred for the Yanks or simply to make sly remarks at our cousins over the pond, but because as a person of English and Irish descent I am more than used to stereotypes. I mean after all I’m such a tea drinking, Guinness guzzling dancing friendly leprechaun that both knows the queen personally and am the only person aware of the whereabouts of my pot of gold. Those aside I feel like letting you Americans know what I expect from your great big country full of steak houses and Italian American gangsters.
You will all be wearing cowboy hats; I also expect at least some of you to carry around a six shooter and am part of some kind of posse or horse rustling gang. On the subject of cowboys, I also expect every other bar I enter to have those cool saloon type swingy doors you just can’t find here in the U.K.
I expect to meet at least seven to thirteen celebrities during my stay. After my sister said she once saw Kirsten Dunst in a bar, I have always thought that one day I will happily walk into some random pub and find Will Ferrell, Mark Zuckerberg and maybe Morgan Freeman playing pool or doing shots. I feel after devoting myself to a life time of watching movies and following American pop culture, I am owed that.
Everyone must love me based solely on my English accent. Disregarding the fact I have grown up in Wolverhampton and not Buckinghamshire, I expect to be judged purely on my ability to say “arse” instead of “ass” and “grarss” rather than “grass”, it’s only fair as I will be judging you exclusively on how many actors you have met.
Tell me if you own a gun. Now this is a strange one, growing up in Ireland and England, and what’s more in the suburbs of these two relatively gun free countries, I have personally never really seen a live gun, let alone shot one. So if you’re all about your second amendment, do explain it to me, as the thought of being able to own guns is alien to me, unless you’re Farmer or a rich wealthy country estate owner.
I expect anti English banter. I think American sports are shit, but our teeth are bad, you will say that you own the world; we will say we had it before you. Its healthy banter, I expect this, what has the world come to when two allied countries can’t rip the piss out of one another. Perhaps you will say that you kicked us off your continent and even celebrate the fourth of July because of this, in which case we will probably have to resort to the sports thing again.
Well there is a few of many expectations I have of the Americans, I can’t wait to see how ignorant I still am when I return from my journey. So where exactly is Central Perk?
For some great reads take a look at this http://fireicemagazine.com/